Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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