My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
