So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
