when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Randomize
