I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
