Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
