All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
