we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
This is the high leading the old right now
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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