its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
