Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
