as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
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