We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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