I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
