doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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