Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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