I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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