hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
