before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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