it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
