About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
