just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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