can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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