I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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