is your mom at the bar?
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
