If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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