brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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