i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
