i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
