you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Randomize
