I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
