I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
