dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
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