I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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