Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
