Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
false alarm, still single
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
