Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
