where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
