Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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