what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
