Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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