Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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