Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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