If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
