He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
