omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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