I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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