Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
