I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
