this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
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