do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
