If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
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