We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Randomize
