Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
The feeling are messing with the penis
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
