i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
