I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
